How to effectively communicate with your spouse during a divorce


By Duncan E. White, Owner
Inkpointe Divorce Solutions, LLC

A divorce, especially a contentious divorce, can often lead to intense conflict between spouses. One of the key challenges in a divorce is finding a way to communicate effectively with your spouse, without getting bogged down in the details of who gets what. Here are some tips on how to communicate effectively with your spouse during a divorce:

Focus on the big picture. Rather than getting caught up in the details of who gets what, try to focus on the big picture of what you both want to achieve from the divorce. This might include reaching a fair and equitable settlement, ensuring that your children’s needs are met, or finding a way to move on with your lives.

Listen actively. When communicating with your spouse, it is important to listen actively to what they are saying. This means taking the time to really understand their perspective while showing empathy and understanding for their feelings.

Use “I” statements. Rather than accusing your spouse or making demands, try to use “I” statements that focus on your own feelings and needs. For example, instead of saying “you’re being unfair”, try saying “I feel like this situation is unfair to me”.

Avoid blaming and criticism. Blaming and criticism can quickly escalate conflict and make it difficult to find common ground. Instead, focus on expressing your own feelings and needs, and try to find ways to work together towards a mutually beneficial solution.

Use a neutral third party. If you find it difficult to communicate effectively with your spouse, consider working with a neutral third party, such as a mediator or counselor. A neutral third party can help you to communicate more effectively and can provide a safe and supportive space for you to work through your differences. If the main concerns are related to financial issues, consider working with a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® to get clarity on how you can come to a more equitable agreement.

Effective communication can help to minimize conflict and find a way forward. By focusing on the big picture, you can work together with your spouse and find a way to move on with your lives.


Duncan E. White is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) and has been a licensed financial advisor since 2010. He leads a Second Saturday Divorce Workshop each month for the benefit of those seeking information about the divorce process.

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Content in this material is for general information only and not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. LPL Financial and Inkpointe Divorce Solutions do not offer tax, legal or mortgage lending services or advice.